Today, my little boy turns 3 years old. How do you describe the overflowing, heart-clenching, all encompassing love a mother has for her child? It is beyond the capacity of mere words to describe this kind of love, but I'm going to try.
My son, Jackson, besides my Salvation, is the greatest expression of God's Grace in my life. This little boy has managed to take my life, and make it so much better, so much richer, so much purer than I ever thought possible. He brings laughter, light, challenge, humor, and so much fun into our home, and I am witnessing before my very eyes, this baby becoming a little boy.
Last night, after the fifteenth time or so, of Jackson sneaking out of his bedroom and me threatening some form of punishment or other, (I'll take away your cars, there will be no cartoons tomorrow, etc), he whispered to me from the doorway of the living room, "Mama, can I just have one more kiss and a hug?" Well, how could I possibly refuse. So my little, not so little, big, not so big, boy climbed up into my lap, wrapped himself around me, and promptly fell asleep. Is there anything better?
Three days ago, I took him to his second skating lesson. He is one of the youngest ones, and I waited from behind the glass, had it ever seemed so thick and oppressive, with bated breath and an ache in my chest, as I waited to see if Jackson would have the courage to stand on his skates and push his little blue chair around the ice like the other kids. I waited, I waited, and suddenly, he stood up, and he soared. I nearly burst simultaneously into tears, joyous laughter, and an Irish jig. It wasn't long before he was hollering from the ice, "Mama, I can skate, I can skate!!" Yes baby you can, and I've never been more proud!
But that's my Jackson. He's tenacious, determined, and doesn't give up. He's kind, and sweet, and so loving. He's tender-hearted, and mature beyond his years. I love to watch him play, or listen to him sing, or listen to him gently instruct his baby sister on how to do this or that. I love to watch him read, or learn a new word, or come up with the most mind boggling things-read-we're standing at my Mom's sink brushing our teeth, when Jackson says to me, "Hey Mama, did you know this sink is shaped like a hexagon?" (I look down bewildered, and count up the sides of the sink...sure enough, it is a hexagon...how the heck did he know that?). These little moments of surprise and delight where I think, Oh thank you God, we are doing something right, this boy is so wonderful.
Two weeks or so ago, my Dad and step-mom were babysitting the kids. Jackson had a little fall down and scraped his hand, and to his horror (he's extremely dramatic), he had a very tiny scrape. Well after bouts of, "Oh Nana, my hand, my hand, oh my hand", Nana fixed him up with a little circular band-aide, and all was well. After awhile, the band-aide fell off. Jackson looked down at his hand, and in shock and joy, exclaimed, "Nana, Nana, look at my hand, my owie is gone. Jesus healed me, I'm healed!!" When my step-mom told me this story, I was so thankful, my son, my little boy got it! His child like faith, and what we've taught him about the love of Jesus and all He's done for us had sunk in enough, that Jackson understood what some adults can't. God is Healer-always.
I cannot talk about my son, without talking about Jesus. My love for my son begins with my love for my Saviour. My Jehovah, my Abba, my King, Jehovah Rapha, Jehovah Jirah, Jehovah Salom. The love of God for me is so clearly expressed to me every single time I look at my son. I am so thankful, so blessed beyond measure to have been chosen to bear this child, bring him into the world, and raise him up into a man after God's own heart.
Today, Jackson's 3rd Birthday, will be a joyous, fun-filled day. Never far from my heart though will be a more solemn, sober feeling of the love that I have for him that grounds me, that is like the eye of the storm in my life.
My little Jackson...I love you so much baby bear! Happy Birthday darling!
Love always, and forever, Your Mama,
