Today, my little boy turns 3 years old. How do you describe the overflowing, heart-clenching, all encompassing love a mother has for her child? It is beyond the capacity of mere words to describe this kind of love, but I'm going to try.
My son, Jackson, besides my Salvation, is the greatest expression of God's Grace in my life. This little boy has managed to take my life, and make it so much better, so much richer, so much purer than I ever thought possible. He brings laughter, light, challenge, humor, and so much fun into our home, and I am witnessing before my very eyes, this baby becoming a little boy.
Last night, after the fifteenth time or so, of Jackson sneaking out of his bedroom and me threatening some form of punishment or other, (I'll take away your cars, there will be no cartoons tomorrow, etc), he whispered to me from the doorway of the living room, "Mama, can I just have one more kiss and a hug?" Well, how could I possibly refuse. So my little, not so little, big, not so big, boy climbed up into my lap, wrapped himself around me, and promptly fell asleep. Is there anything better?
Three days ago, I took him to his second skating lesson. He is one of the youngest ones, and I waited from behind the glass, had it ever seemed so thick and oppressive, with bated breath and an ache in my chest, as I waited to see if Jackson would have the courage to stand on his skates and push his little blue chair around the ice like the other kids. I waited, I waited, and suddenly, he stood up, and he soared. I nearly burst simultaneously into tears, joyous laughter, and an Irish jig. It wasn't long before he was hollering from the ice, "Mama, I can skate, I can skate!!" Yes baby you can, and I've never been more proud!
But that's my Jackson. He's tenacious, determined, and doesn't give up. He's kind, and sweet, and so loving. He's tender-hearted, and mature beyond his years. I love to watch him play, or listen to him sing, or listen to him gently instruct his baby sister on how to do this or that. I love to watch him read, or learn a new word, or come up with the most mind boggling things-read-we're standing at my Mom's sink brushing our teeth, when Jackson says to me, "Hey Mama, did you know this sink is shaped like a hexagon?" (I look down bewildered, and count up the sides of the sink...sure enough, it is a hexagon...how the heck did he know that?). These little moments of surprise and delight where I think, Oh thank you God, we are doing something right, this boy is so wonderful.
Two weeks or so ago, my Dad and step-mom were babysitting the kids. Jackson had a little fall down and scraped his hand, and to his horror (he's extremely dramatic), he had a very tiny scrape. Well after bouts of, "Oh Nana, my hand, my hand, oh my hand", Nana fixed him up with a little circular band-aide, and all was well. After awhile, the band-aide fell off. Jackson looked down at his hand, and in shock and joy, exclaimed, "Nana, Nana, look at my hand, my owie is gone. Jesus healed me, I'm healed!!" When my step-mom told me this story, I was so thankful, my son, my little boy got it! His child like faith, and what we've taught him about the love of Jesus and all He's done for us had sunk in enough, that Jackson understood what some adults can't. God is Healer-always.
I cannot talk about my son, without talking about Jesus. My love for my son begins with my love for my Saviour. My Jehovah, my Abba, my King, Jehovah Rapha, Jehovah Jirah, Jehovah Salom. The love of God for me is so clearly expressed to me every single time I look at my son. I am so thankful, so blessed beyond measure to have been chosen to bear this child, bring him into the world, and raise him up into a man after God's own heart.
Today, Jackson's 3rd Birthday, will be a joyous, fun-filled day. Never far from my heart though will be a more solemn, sober feeling of the love that I have for him that grounds me, that is like the eye of the storm in my life.
My little Jackson...I love you so much baby bear! Happy Birthday darling!
Love always, and forever, Your Mama,
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Sunday, April 17, 2011
On Running...
Today my sister-in-law, Melissa, and I ran the annual Vancouver SunRun 10K run. What an experience! Just to give some sense of the vastness of this race, it is the second largest 10K race, IN THE WORLD!! I have never in my life been part of such a massive group of people all in the same place at the same time.
The day started very early as I rushed around the house to get my hubby to work, and then myself and the kidlets out the door, and into the van by 6am to go and pick up Auntie Lissie (as we affectionately call her!). We made it in record time down to my Dad's, dropped the babies off, and were back on the road by 6:30. By the time we got to the Sky train, and rode to downtown Vancouver, it was barely 8am. We waited with nervous excitement, and bated breaths until the time that we needed to go and join the huge throngs of people in our "wave".
We heard, more than saw, the first wave of runners start the race at 9am and finally 9:30ish rolled around, and it was time for us to start.
Let me just say how very difficult it is to maneuver amongst so many people. I really had no idea how challenging it would be-and frankly how frustrating.
Now if you know anything about me, you'll know that a competitive spirit is part of my makeup, so for me, just running the race for the sake of fun and running was not going to cut it. My last 10K race, I completed it in 1hour, 1 minute, 11 seconds, so that was my goal; I wanted to beat that time. Unfortunately, it was just so hard to push through the people, and the magnanimous amounts of walking people who WOULD NOT MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, that we finished the race in 1hour, 3 minutes. Not bad, not bad at all!
The cool thing is, I could have kept running, I was sore, but not particularly tired, which I decided was the best result of all. It proved to me that all the working out and training I have done has paid off.
Melissa and I are setting our sights on a Half Marathon on July 24th in Fort Langley. It's a big goal; it's a big jump from 10K to a Half Marathon. It's true, but somewhere along this journey, I have come to love running. I settle into it, and feel so free, so light, so strong.
I have always been athletic, and sports oriented, and this, especially after two babies, has allowed me to reclaim my body in a way that is just mine. And it feels wonderful.
As I near my 30th birthday, YIKES, I feel stronger and more capable physically than I have in a very long time! I feel more capable of mothering my children in excellence, and in being the kind of wife and love to my husband that I've always hoped to be.
This running thing, go ahead ladies, give it whirl. You won't be sorry!
The day started very early as I rushed around the house to get my hubby to work, and then myself and the kidlets out the door, and into the van by 6am to go and pick up Auntie Lissie (as we affectionately call her!). We made it in record time down to my Dad's, dropped the babies off, and were back on the road by 6:30. By the time we got to the Sky train, and rode to downtown Vancouver, it was barely 8am. We waited with nervous excitement, and bated breaths until the time that we needed to go and join the huge throngs of people in our "wave".
We heard, more than saw, the first wave of runners start the race at 9am and finally 9:30ish rolled around, and it was time for us to start.
Let me just say how very difficult it is to maneuver amongst so many people. I really had no idea how challenging it would be-and frankly how frustrating.
Now if you know anything about me, you'll know that a competitive spirit is part of my makeup, so for me, just running the race for the sake of fun and running was not going to cut it. My last 10K race, I completed it in 1hour, 1 minute, 11 seconds, so that was my goal; I wanted to beat that time. Unfortunately, it was just so hard to push through the people, and the magnanimous amounts of walking people who WOULD NOT MOVE OUT OF THE WAY, that we finished the race in 1hour, 3 minutes. Not bad, not bad at all!
The cool thing is, I could have kept running, I was sore, but not particularly tired, which I decided was the best result of all. It proved to me that all the working out and training I have done has paid off.
Melissa and I are setting our sights on a Half Marathon on July 24th in Fort Langley. It's a big goal; it's a big jump from 10K to a Half Marathon. It's true, but somewhere along this journey, I have come to love running. I settle into it, and feel so free, so light, so strong.
I have always been athletic, and sports oriented, and this, especially after two babies, has allowed me to reclaim my body in a way that is just mine. And it feels wonderful.
As I near my 30th birthday, YIKES, I feel stronger and more capable physically than I have in a very long time! I feel more capable of mothering my children in excellence, and in being the kind of wife and love to my husband that I've always hoped to be.
This running thing, go ahead ladies, give it whirl. You won't be sorry!
Friday, April 15, 2011
On Distance...
It's 5 Minute Friday...thank you Lisa-Jo. I love this.
So here we go...On Distance...
For me, distance is the kilometers and hours that must be travelled, spent, to get to home. Home...what an elusive concept. Of course, home is with my husband and our two children. But for me, home also includes those family members who live no where near me-and for whom my heart longs. My mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles, basically my extended family, all live a province away, in beloved Prairies where I was born and raised.
The distance between us is bridged by phone calls, and as many trips as we can afford, but it's never really enough. There is no substitute for your mother, when you need advice, or your grandmother, when you just really want some of her homemade crabapple jellie. There is no substitute for a card game that goes past midnight with all the women of the family, laughing so hard at jokes, and game play, always accompanied by copious amounts of coffee, and someone's baking.
My heart aches, breaks, tears, when I dwell on this distance too much. Would that I could take my little family and move us all back home!
Distance is foe that I have been unable to conquer-I prayerfully seek the strength to endure it!
So here we go...On Distance...
For me, distance is the kilometers and hours that must be travelled, spent, to get to home. Home...what an elusive concept. Of course, home is with my husband and our two children. But for me, home also includes those family members who live no where near me-and for whom my heart longs. My mother, grandmother, aunts, uncles, basically my extended family, all live a province away, in beloved Prairies where I was born and raised.
The distance between us is bridged by phone calls, and as many trips as we can afford, but it's never really enough. There is no substitute for your mother, when you need advice, or your grandmother, when you just really want some of her homemade crabapple jellie. There is no substitute for a card game that goes past midnight with all the women of the family, laughing so hard at jokes, and game play, always accompanied by copious amounts of coffee, and someone's baking.
My heart aches, breaks, tears, when I dwell on this distance too much. Would that I could take my little family and move us all back home!
Distance is foe that I have been unable to conquer-I prayerfully seek the strength to endure it!
Thursday, April 14, 2011
If only I were more...
If only I were more...
If only I were more crafty, I would quilt, knit, and sew all the little things for my children I dream of making them.
If only I were a better cook, I would knock the socks off daily dinners and restore my husband's faith in Sunday roast beef dinner.
If only I weren't such a dreamer, I'd get down to business, stop procrastinating, and spring clean my way to clean, airy closets and clutter free rooms.
If only I would learn to relax, I may just enjoy the ride more.
If only I were stronger, braver, more sweet and gentle, I may just be able to solve the world's problems.
If only I were more...
Here's the thing though, yes, I want to be all these things, I truly, heart and soul, desire to be this "more", and some days I am. But today, right now, I am learning that loving myself right now, the good, the bad, and the ugly is what's most important. I'm learning that nobody is the "perfect" mother, that everyone has off days, and that everyone's children have tantrums-even if they won't admit it. I'm learning that it's okay to make mistakes.
Why? Because my Teacher, my Abba, my Saviour has provided me with the most beautiful space in which to grow, flourish, and become exactly who He created me to be. And right now, that's exactly who I am. I am His child, and that's what's most important.
Maybe someday soon I'll learn how to knit better, and I'll be able to buy that sewing machine I long for, and make a couple of quilts for my babies. Maybe one day I'll be able to cook like my mama. Maybe...
Today, right now, I will focus on this moment, on the fact that I can hear my babies as they fall asleep, that my home is quiet and comforting, that I am well. I am blessed, and there is more to come.
If only I were more crafty, I would quilt, knit, and sew all the little things for my children I dream of making them.
If only I were a better cook, I would knock the socks off daily dinners and restore my husband's faith in Sunday roast beef dinner.
If only I weren't such a dreamer, I'd get down to business, stop procrastinating, and spring clean my way to clean, airy closets and clutter free rooms.
If only I would learn to relax, I may just enjoy the ride more.
If only I were stronger, braver, more sweet and gentle, I may just be able to solve the world's problems.
If only I were more...
Here's the thing though, yes, I want to be all these things, I truly, heart and soul, desire to be this "more", and some days I am. But today, right now, I am learning that loving myself right now, the good, the bad, and the ugly is what's most important. I'm learning that nobody is the "perfect" mother, that everyone has off days, and that everyone's children have tantrums-even if they won't admit it. I'm learning that it's okay to make mistakes.
Why? Because my Teacher, my Abba, my Saviour has provided me with the most beautiful space in which to grow, flourish, and become exactly who He created me to be. And right now, that's exactly who I am. I am His child, and that's what's most important.
Maybe someday soon I'll learn how to knit better, and I'll be able to buy that sewing machine I long for, and make a couple of quilts for my babies. Maybe one day I'll be able to cook like my mama. Maybe...
Today, right now, I will focus on this moment, on the fact that I can hear my babies as they fall asleep, that my home is quiet and comforting, that I am well. I am blessed, and there is more to come.
Thursday, April 7, 2011
If You Met Me...
If you met me...
You'd probably notice my bangs are a little too long, and the headband I'm wearing has a definite smudge of pink paint-compliments of my curious two-year old son's artistic explorations. You'd probably notice I tend to use big words that are often met with either confusion or irritation equally-secretly I love this. You'd notice I talk a lot about my two amazing babies, and their latest exploits, about the newest factoid I've just picked up, and likely I'll throw in a word or two about the book I'm currently reading-probably finishing, even though I just started reading it two days ago. You'll notice my very white skin in accordance with my abhorrence of tanning, or spending two much time in the sun-uncovered. You'll notice I laugh a lot, and loudly, sometimes even a little chaotically. I'll probably be in a hurry-as I tend to relax and enjoy these kind of moments a lot less lately, which I may even tell you. Most of all, you'll probably notice how happy I am to be talking to you, relating with you. I crave these moments, I love them, and when they're over, I miss them. If you met me, I'd hope you'd want to meet again.
You'd probably notice my bangs are a little too long, and the headband I'm wearing has a definite smudge of pink paint-compliments of my curious two-year old son's artistic explorations. You'd probably notice I tend to use big words that are often met with either confusion or irritation equally-secretly I love this. You'd notice I talk a lot about my two amazing babies, and their latest exploits, about the newest factoid I've just picked up, and likely I'll throw in a word or two about the book I'm currently reading-probably finishing, even though I just started reading it two days ago. You'll notice my very white skin in accordance with my abhorrence of tanning, or spending two much time in the sun-uncovered. You'll notice I laugh a lot, and loudly, sometimes even a little chaotically. I'll probably be in a hurry-as I tend to relax and enjoy these kind of moments a lot less lately, which I may even tell you. Most of all, you'll probably notice how happy I am to be talking to you, relating with you. I crave these moments, I love them, and when they're over, I miss them. If you met me, I'd hope you'd want to meet again.
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